Memories of past holidays often involve a recollection of heated debates, a lot of goofiness and a little over fifteen years ago Christmas was a lot of fun, besides the wonder of being a child in a holiday that is really brought to life for children, it was easy to see the joy. We had big Christmases, with the grandparents, all my siblings were still around and in good mental health. Somewhere in a box in Florida there's a video tape with the evidence of a joyful family holiday, Christmas 1992, the last time we were all together, all laughing, eating, happy. It was a good holiday, even though Grandma still managed to knock down the tree, that was more of a tradition than anything.
This Christmas I'm working, which most likely means a lot of down time, waiting for someone to sneak away from their own family frivolity for a little "something-something" on the side.
What most people don't realize is that, just like me, there are many more people out there alone on the holidays, and more often than not their willing to pay for the little bit of company they need to get through a season that is traditionally for family unity.
I'm not worried about how I spend my holidays, I do not foresee a holiday sweater and a brood of children at my feet in the the future. I'm not that kind of woman. What I am though is a giver.
I find my joys in what I can give to others. Whether its an open ear, some advice or a little "something-something". I don't need tinsel or mistletoe (although one genuine holiday kiss would be the only wish I may have this season).
Today I was with someone who stopped in on a whim. He is new to Nevada, he has a family, a good job and extra cash in hand. The kind of person that is sweet and gentle, and sometimes gets in trouble. He was in a lot of pain, having been in a accident that left his hips disjointed and is awaiting a corrective surgery. He hadn't been with anyone intimately in a long time. So today, it was his day to spend a little on himself. He explained he spends most of his money on his family, buying them all gifts, anything they want, he helps his little sister out a lot who's about to graduate high school.
When the party started I knew he was nervous.
"Has it been a long time?" I asked, already knowing the answer just by the way he stared at me as he ran a gentle hand over my body.
"Yes..."
I explained to him that I like what I do, and I showed him my oral skills, explaining to him that I'm a giver and it makes me happy just to know he's happy. He had no complaints. When it was over he held onto me and explained he hadn't been with anyone since the accident.
"It's just nice to be held sometimes." I stated
"I do like it....I do like it." He held onto me tighter.
When the cashier called time he professed his desire to return again, and I told him I would be here.
Granted he paid for my time and services, but I gained more out of being able to touch him, not in a physical manner, but in a way that someone hadn't been able to in a long time, I gave him a connection, a moment of happiness and peace. Those moments are greater than gold.
People think, ah but the money, you are a hooker...you get paid for that kind of performance. It is part performance, you have to give them what they came to you for, but it takes a genuine heart, a real touch and emotion to get them to open up to you, to touch their heart in some way and I am very proud of my ability to be a giver.
Some peoples holidays are about family, and decorations, gifts, egg nog, and all the little things wrapped up with shiny bows. All I know is that my holidays are a little unconventional, but still as meaningful as any, because I get the chance to give and receive as much as anyone, and that is what keeps the holiday spirit going, the ability to give no matter where you are, or what you do in life...to give willingly to others is a great thing.
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