If I gave you all a piece of paper I know everyone could write at least one fear they have down on it. Even those that think they are absent of fear, they say nothing scares them will eventually have a moment of awe when the adrenaline hits them and that sinking feeling rushes in.
There's common fears, and phobias, spiders, clowns...carnival fun houses (don't ask). Yet, if I had to pin point an occupational fear there would be only one...
Christmas morning started off slow. The night before was a parade of drunken men in small to large groups. They came and went, some stopping by, some drinking more, a rowdy group of Chinese cooks lined the bar to toast with a shot of Hennesey, one of the girls shouted to them across the room:
"Who's ready for sex!?!?" All the girls promptly raised their hands. The drunkest of the grouped stuck out his chest.
"I'm ready, it's going to be good too, you're gonna love my skills."
"Then you're ready for an orgy?" I asked.
"I can take you all on, you'll love it too, you'll be paying me for it..."
The girls erupted into laughter.
"I don't know what holiday you think this is, but it ain't April Fools around here." I retorted.
In the early morning the house was quiet. The girls sleeping away a night of drinking, until a bell rang.
A gaggle of Mexican construction workers, still too drunk from whatever corner bar they had spent the night in dragged themselves through the door, ordered a round of Corona and talked loudly amongst themselves.
I locked eyes with a shy one sitting in a corner, he looked away and back, blushing in between glances, until he slide from his perch and joined me by the bar.
He was nervous, spoke broken English but told me that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, he gave me five dollars, I put it in the jukebox. A few moments later we're back in the room, negotiating a quick party. I felt in the giving Christmas spirit so I gave him more time than I usually would.
The routine began. He imagined himself a great lover, huffing and puffing, big thrusts, slow thrusts, he tried to brush my hair over my ear, it was all very theatrical...then it ended.
I climbed off the bed in my usual routine grabbing a towel off the shelf to help him clean up, and that's the moment my heart dropped to my feet. I looked down about to pull the condom off with the towel, very standard for me to help them clean up, I paused in my tracks, staring down to see that it had ripped all the way through. That tiny barrier that was in those previous moments a guard to all my fears was now shredded. A million and one thoughts went through my mind then I snapped to, helped him clean up, got him dressed, got my clothes on, cleaned the room and escorted him back to the parlor, all with a smile on my face.
I asked the bartender for a moment, I need to take a shower, I told her. As I walked back to the room I felt a little sick, and I ripped my clothes off, turn the shower all the way to hot. There's nothing you can do at that moment, standing in the shower, scrubbing yourself as much as you can, a million little things run through your mind. I sank to my knees and began to cry, hyperventilate a little...I heard my phone ring.
Tears streaming down, I answered to my best friend, who at that moment was probably having a good afternoon, before becoming very concerned at my current state. We discussed the situation and resolved to a subject change after a few moments.
Once the initial shock had died, and the momentary insanity was gone I began the next step, prevention.
I contacted a friend who could help me plan out a course of action to get the morning after pill, set up a doctors appointment and then offer advice on how to breath until the STD testing could be done. The whole mess started a long drawn out process.
I got dressed again, did my hair, and make up and then put my smile back on and walked back out to the floor.
All the Mexicans were on their fifth or sixth round, a girl was dancing on the pole and dollar bills blanketed the floor, each hand throwing them out in flurries of hoots and whistles.
I wanted a seat where I could watch the action but keep a distance, trying to keep it all together. I sat by the jukebox and picked out the dancing music.
I felt someone watching me and I turned my head to find, the shy man I had just partied with sitting across from me. He sat with his beer and began to talk to me, asking me questions of my likes and dislikes. He rambled for a while searching for words in English that would convey his point. He asked me if I like him.
I have nothing against him so I said yes, I told him he seemed nice, he blushed at this.
"I like you, I like you a lot...you think you come and live with me...I will treat you good."
I explained to him that I couldn't leave my job, I had a different life outside my work and that he was kind but, no.
"I take good care of you, love you, marry you, when you're done with your job I wait for you to be done, if you come live with me."
I told him no again, telling him he should live his life, there's other better fish in the sea I explained.
"You're so beautiful Juniper, you want children?"
I swallowed my heart back into my chest. "No." I said and excused myself back to my room.
I waited until they had left before emerging back out into the parlor.
The rest of the night I spent drinking, each man coming into the house bought all the girls drinks, it's the time of year to do so, be generous that is, and the music kept playing, the laughter filled the room again and I sat at the end of the bar until the night shift bartender showed up, who is also a close friend.
At that point the bartender and I adjourned to a dark corner to give one another moral support as we shared stories of our collective holiday woes.
So, this saga isn't really about all the bad things, the negative thoughts that ensued, but more so about the fact that it's over a week later and I'm still here, pregnancy free, STD free, and working.
It's a part of the business, you do all you can to protect yourself, but it happens, it's an unfortunate accident but nothing to stop your life over in the end. We all have the risk factors in life, and I've survived one more.
I have a feeling 2011 is going to be a better year.
